dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize