everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
