hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
