omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
