You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
