The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
