it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
