I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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