my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I checked into jail on foursquare
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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