i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
