he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
