I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
