I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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