When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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