She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
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SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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