...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
