When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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