I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
