My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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