If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
