I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
