I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Can Purell be used as lube?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
