just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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