I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
