Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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