if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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