I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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