I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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