Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
