I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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