I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
