and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
