you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
