I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
