The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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