I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
