Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
