I just cut my nipple shaving
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
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I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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