i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am naked and annoyed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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