It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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