we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
