Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
