Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
