Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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