You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I want to fling myself into the sun
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
