woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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