I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
