is your mom at the bar?
This girl is more easily done than said...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
