You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
