i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just gargled with NyQuil
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
