Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
