That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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