jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The adults are the big ones right?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize