I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
