does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
