this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she looked like the before picture.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
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if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
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It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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