you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
