i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
