I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
