I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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